Archive for the 'books' Category

Maybe I should just drink more

Published
by
ashley
on October 30, 2008
in apartment, books, friends, i am ridiculous, marques and no thanks
. 1 Comment

There are, naturally, certain times each month where I become unbearably cranky and downright difficult to deal with.

I do realize that I whine a lot in general, even when I’m not the mayor of Crankytown, but those are usually things like having to walk home from the metro or we’re out of butter pecan ice cream.

Today was a cranky day.

It started in the morning, where I had a difficult time waking up.  Marques woke me up at 5:45 a.m. while banging around in the shower.  I then fell back asleep until he woke me up at 10:10 a.m. where I growled at him, saying things like, “If you don’t leave me alone, I will eat you.”  Finally, I woke up at 10:45 (YIKES) and I rushed to get in the shower, go to work, etc.

Walking to the metro sucked.  It was cold and windy and my head hurt.  When I got to the metro, the train was too hot and I had to take my jacket off.  Then a guy who smelled like cinnamon rolls got on and sat in front of me.  Normally I would want to lick the back of that guy’s head, but cranky me kept thinking, “Did this guy bathe in cinnamon roll cologne?  Perfume that smells like baked goods should be outlawed.”

Work was fine - work is always fun for me, actually.  Though I opened my egg sandwich to find moist sticky bread (gross).  Amanda brought us cupcakes from Hello Cupcake which gave me a brief five minute vacation from Crankytown.  Though eventually I started complaining how their cupcakes are too rich.  Seriously.  If you were around me today and managed to not punch me in the face, I commend you.

(sidenote:  It’s strange that I thought their cupcakes were too rich as I am never the girl who thinks things are too rich.  If someone is all like, “Oh, woe is me, this macaroni and cheese is too rich for me to finish!” then I’m always like CHOMP CHOMP YUM.  I have no “rich” tastebuds.  But maybe I am growing some.)

On the way home, no problems.  I’m re-reading the classic graphic novel Watchmen, but was actually slightly embarrassed to pull it out in front of all these middle-aged women and men who are reading Jim Webb autobiographies and Nicholas Sparks novels.  Then I got cranky because I was afraid I would be embarrassed and inside, I’m thinking things like WHO ARE YOU, MAN, TO JUDGE MY READING MATERIAL?  Oh, “The Kite Runner”?  Yeah, welcome to 2006.  Way to be a late reader.  (I say this while reading comic books from the mid-80s)

I decide to walk home and realize that my legspan sucks.  I’m comparing my tiny bird-like steps with those of the people walking next to me.  It takes these normal people 1 and a half steps to clear a sidewalk square.  It took me 3.  I’m a pretty tall girl, 5′8″ish, and I wear a size 10-11 in shoes.  Yet I’m walking like I was forced to undergo foot binding as a young girl.  Then I became self-conscious about my tiny steps and tried to make efforts to make my steps bigger, which made me look very odd, I’m sure, to the cars driving past me.  I probably looked like a fat drunk toy soldier on weekend leave.

Home.  Marques is sleeping.  This immediately annoys me for no good reason.  I turn on Unsolved Mysteries, eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes.  There is an odd mildewy smell in the kitchen, possibly from the washer/dryer.  Get annoyed.  Attempt to throw empty box of Frosted Flakes away, but trash can is full.  Is Marques’s job.  Get annoyed.  Get annoyed at having to scrub cast-iron skillet so hard although it’s my fault for letting it sit unwashed for three days.  Get annoyed at emptying dishwasher.  Get annoyed that the first thing Marques does when he wakes up is turn on the television to Sportscenter.  Try to make Marques eat goat cheese on a Triscuit.  Get annoyed that he doesn’t like it.  Spend 30 minutes cooking dinner while Marques watches the World Series.  Get annoyed that he didn’t offer to help do anything even though he doesn’t know how to cook.  Marques didn’t offer to get me another bowl of pasta or another glass of water.  Get annoyed.  Log onto internet, read e-mail, have 3 of the same e-mails from random liberal organization.  Get annoyed.  Buy bridesmaid dress for Lorrie’s wedding, get annoyed that my coupon code didn’t work and had to buy 2 more things (jeans and a bathing suit in a size too small in one of those “Oh, by the time bathing suit season rolls around I’ll be able to fit in it” attempts) to get it over the deemed amount.  Finished “Julie and Julia”, get slightly annoyed and jealous that I don’t get to have a job where I work in my pajamas.  Marques goes to bed early.  Get annoyed.  And bored.

It would be in your best interest to stay away from me.  I either need to be punched in the face by Don Draper or I need to start drinking three glasses of wine with dinner.

News in brief

Published
by
ashley
on August 15, 2008
in apartment, books, i am ridiculous, marques and waylon
. 0 Comments

Neighbor thinks Christmas is early this year; is crazy

While driving home from a needless Target/Giant trip, Ashley glanced up at one of the two large apartment buildings in her apartment complex.

There, in one of the windows, brightly shining for all of Northern Virginia to see, was a Christmas tree and an brightly lit animatronic reindeer moving its head.

Ashley quickly checked the date on her cell phone, concerned that maybe she had fallen into a time warp on the way to Target.  The date read August 15, 2008.

Ashley then dismissed the neighbor as “batshit insane” and vowed to bring her camera next time she drove on that road at night to capture the insanity should a court case come to trial.

Book proves to be smarter than girl

Ashley is what you would call a voracious reader.  With a quickly-growing library of books and friendly neighborhood librarians who know her by sight, it is safe to say that she has mastered the art of reading a book.

Ashley started reading books when she was a mere two years old.  She quickly learned that if you read a book faster, you can read more books.  Thus, she is able to read the average novel in a few hours.  This is both a plus and a minus, as she can read lots and lots of books, but unfortunately, is too poor to buy enough to keep up.

Ashley checked out the book “House of Leaves” from a branch of the Fairfax County library last Wednesday.  The book had been recommended to her by both Amazon and various Metafilter people.  She picked it up Sunday evening and started to read it.

Today, Friday, August 18, she finally finished it while on the ride home on the metro.  She closed the book and then frowned a frown that would shrivel a pluot.  When asked by her boyfriend, Marques, if she enjoyed the book, she wailed, “I am stupid and I didn’t understand it, but the typography was cool.”

Perks returned the offending book to the library.  While the storyline was interesting, she felt the book was too smart for her and decided she should read a fluff book to rinse her mind off.

Cat spends evening glaring at master

When Waylon snuck out of his master’s house two weeks ago, Ashley decided to buy him a collar and tag.  Her reasoning being that Waylon is the best cat in the world, and anyone who found him would obviously want to keep him.  If he had a tag on, that would reduce that likelihood.

Ashley attached the tag on the collar and fastened it on Waylon’s neck.  Immediately, Waylon began to meow plaintively, pleading with Ashley to remove the collar.  When that didn’t work, Waylon began rubbing his body all over the carpet in a vain attempt to rub the collar off.

Finally, Waylon cowered in a corner of the living room and glared at his master while she played Mario Kart and ate hummus, oblivious to the fact that her beloved monster baby cat at that moment hated her.

Local kitchen flooded with water; tenants puzzled

Two tenants in the Northern Virginia area were puzzled to find a puddle of water near their refrigerator and pantry.  They mopped it up quickly, but the water returned day after day.

“WTF is going on?” one asked, trying desperately to staunch the flow.

The two were not able to contact their landlord immediately because their apartment was too messy.  Plans are being made to clean the apartment so the maintenance crew can locate the source of the problem.

“I hope they don’t have to open the refrigerator,” one remarked.  “There are about 8 bags of baby carrots gone bad up in that mess.”

Just for the record… our trip in numbers & lists

Published
by
ashley
on August 6, 2008
in books, family, friends, i am ridiculous, marques and tunes
. 1 Comment

So tomorrow Marques and I are going home for the first time in a really long time. We’re both excited to see our families, and do all the fun things we used to do before we moved to DC and became The Most Boring Couple Ever.

Miles from Springfield, Va. to Charleston, W.Va.: 373 miles

Approximate gallons of gas used round-trip: 25

Approximate cost of gas round-trip (assuming gas is an average $4.10): $101

Five restaurants we want to eat at while we’re home: Tudor’s Biscuit World (omg, Dottie, I love you), Rio Grande, Boston Beanery, Penn Station, Skyline Chili.

Number of these restaurants we will actually get to eat at: 2, possibly 3

Best friends I get to see: 2 - Tina and Jasmine

Number of outfits I’m bringing home: 6

Number of days I’ll be gone: 4

Number of pairs of shoes I’m bringing: 2

Hopeful number of stops at Sonic on the way home: 1 million

Actual Sonic stops: Probably not even one. Sad face.

Possible number of Sheetz stops: 1, hopefully 2

Playlist created for iPod: Named “The World Has Turned And Left Me Here”, contains 204 songs, 13.5 hours, 972.4 MB.

Most songs by one single artist in said playlist: 21, by Ryan Adams. 22 if you consider Whiskeytown to be Ryan Adams.

Number of 80’s songs: 7. Surprisingly low. Two by Billy Idol, 4 by Bowie.

Surprising number of songs from the Juno soundtrack, directly influenced by the fact that I read Diablo Cody’s “Candy Girl” book last night: 4

Number of books I’m bringing home: 6

Number of things specifically requested that I bring home: 13

Number of those aforementioned things that is food: 5

Days Waylon will be left alone: 3 and a half. Sad kitty.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner

Published
by
ashley
on July 31, 2008
in books and work
. 2 Comments

I created a very intricate Flash slideshow this week.  This is exciting news for the following reasons:

1.  It proves that although I am over the age of 25, when brain cells stop regenerating, I can still learn to do new things.

2.  I don’t need Brain Age to keep my brain functioning.

3.  It was a pretty big success with lots of complimentary e-mails to my boss, which in turn, she gave me lots of compliments, like “You’re a superstar!” and “Yay you!” and I really just kind of felt like I did in third grade when I won a gold star for good conduct.

4.  Hello, it’s FLASH.  Do you know how hard Flash is?  REALLY hard.  REALLY REALLY hard.  I was really proud of myself for learning it quickly enough to make a slideshow.

and 5.  Something excellent to put in my portfolio for the future, plus I can only build on it from here.  Today Flash slideshows, tomorrow the world!

It’s been a busy week.  And this weekend is not shaping up to be rest and relaxation.  My grandma had surgery today (she’s fine), one of my best friends is visiting this weekend (she’s here!), I HAVE to finish “The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao” by tonight because it’s due at the library tomorrow (way to be a slacker and re-read the Twilight series this week, Ashley) and next weekend I go back home!  I haven’t even gotten to play any Mario Kart lately (this is a shame, as my online rating is sure to go down with less practice).

In the meantime, I think this picture of Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi is super cute:

I mean, I know Barack Obama isn’t trying to mack on Nancy Pelosi or anything, but doesn’t this picture make it seem they are thisclose to making out?

Alexander Graham Bell is always the butt of jokes

Published
by
ashley
on July 27, 2008
in books, i am ridiculous and work
. 1 Comment

This has been in my head for the past week because I thought it was really funny.  When it happened at work the other day, I giggled politely but of course, not out-and-out guffawed because, you know, that’s creepy.  Even though I wanted to guffaw.

Anyway, scene:

(At work.  Somebody’s cell phone rings.  It’s a really annoying ring, not like a Rihanna ringtone or anything like that, but it’s a ringy-ring.  Like a telephone.  But an oldschool bell telephone.  On one hand, the ancientness of this person’s cell phone ring brought me back to my grandma’s house, with her old corded Bakelite phone [that yes, she still has].  On the other hand, I’m like “omg, why can’t your phone just play Green Day?”  This ringing goes on and on and on, like 5 or 6 rings.  Everyone in the newsroom is annoyed.)

Reporter: (I actually don’t know who said this because I’m in the corner of the office.  Somebody obviously put Baby in the corner). “Would somebody please answer Alexander Graham Bell’s phone?”

Ensue my polite chuckle while on the inside, I am giggling like a madwoman.

Okay.  Look.  I know it’s not that funny to YOU.  Because you weren’t there and you couldn’t hear the ring and the buildup of nobody answering it.  Also, I had to type out a novel trying to set the scene.  But needless to say, it has been in my head since it happened because I thought it was really funny, and I hope to someday steal that line for my anti-Judd Apatow movies where women don’t solely exist to have sex with nerds.

On that note, I am on my way to Borders to do a little book thievery.  Not ACTUALLY steal any books because regardless of popular belief, I do have a moral system.  But I do plan to park my fat ass in a chair and read some books and maybe a magazine.  Honestly, though, to piggyback on my self-deprecation, I am going to Borders to read the first chapter of “Breaking Dawn” that’s in the “Eclipse” special edition book.  I cannot believe I read these books.  Sometimes when I think about the Twilight series, I have to go to my bookshelves and run my fingers over my graphic novels, my collection of Kurt Vonnegut, my “classic literature” so I can remind myself that yes, I do read novels of substance and no, this is not a sign of things to come.

And then I feel better because hey, at least it’s not fucking Danielle Steel.

i <3 books more than anything else in the world

Published
by
ashley
on March 15, 2007
in books and life
. 0 Comments

(stolen from dix, my knitting buddy but not book soulmate… danielle steel? really? i heart you, dix.)

also, quick job update. so my job rules. really freaking hard. they told me today that i only need to drive to lincoln county on mondays and fridays and i can work from home the remainder of the time. i’m already searching for an appropriate desk. and i have plans to take my (NEW) laptop to panera bread and eat cinnamon bagels and drink iced green tea while working. i am pretty much the luckiest person in the whole world. great job, great boyfriend, great cat. i am pretty pleased with how i turned out.

Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback?
so dix, let me explain to you the difference between the two. trade paperbacks are the bigger ones. mass market are those short and thick ones you can buy for like, 7 dollars. i prefer trade paperbacks. mass market, the spine bends too easily. hardback, i hate dealing with the dust jackets.

Amazon or brick and mortar?
i like amazon a lot. i went to books-a-million the other day and i couldn’t find CRAP. it took me like, 15 minutes to even find the design section. and then they didn’t even have what i needed. i mean, i’m a bit biased seeing how amazon gave me thousands of dollars last year in exchange for me sitting in a chair and knitting, but still. amazon rules.

Barnes & Noble or Borders?
they’re pretty much the same thing. i say borders because we have one around here. but i don’t shun b&n when i’m near one. i don’t have borders loyalty like i do amazon loyalty.

Bookmark or dogear?
i don’t do either. i can normally find where i left off pretty quickly.

Alphabetize by author or alphabetize by title or random?
haha this is like one time when my mom tried to alphabetize her cd collection. it worked for about 10 days. they’re random, though i try to group my authors together, so if i’m having a chuck palahniuk craving, i can just go to the palahniuk section and pick a book from it.

Keep, throw away, or sell?
i keep all my books. all of them. because i read them over and over again. do not get between me and my books.

Keep dust jacket or toss it?
i hate the dust jacket, but i like to keep it. however, if it gets lost, i’m not upset about it.

Read with dust jacket or remove it?
REMOVE. i hate dust jackets, they get all rustly and IN MY WAY OF READING.

Short story or novel?
i mostly do novels, but i love collections of stories by authors like david sedaris and augusten burroughs. funny stories. (mostly) true stories.

Collection (short stories by same author) or anthology (short stories by different authors)?
see above. collections. anthologies are good too, but i don’t read a lot of them.

Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
uh, harry potter. duh. i’m bummed that i left amazon before they gave us harry potter stuff this summer. maybe someone with the initials E.P. will save me a t-shirt. but seriously. i love harry potter. i love harry potter so much that i actually go to websites about harry potter, with harry potter theories. it’s ridiculous. i’m 24 going on 10.

Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
stop… reading? i generally devour books in one sitting. i only stop reading when i have to.

“It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”?
meh. dark and stormy night usually means mystery. once upon a time means fantasy. neither float my boat.

Buy or Borrow?
if by borrow you mean keep, then borrow. otherwise, buy. i keep all books i read.

New or used?
i don’t care. books are books.

Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation or browse?
all of the above.

Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
i don’t care. i just hate when books end ambiguously.

Morning reading, afternoon reading or nighttime reading?
i love reading in bed.

Stand-alone or series?
i don’t really like series, except for harry potter.

Favorite series?
um, harry potter.

Favorite children’s book?
i loved all things roald dahl, especially matilda and the witches.

Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
i don’t know. i love “middlesex” by jeffrey eugenides, but i mean, it won a pulitzer. chuck klosterman’s “killing yourself to live” was fun. oh, “waiting” by debra ginsberg was REALLY interesting. i read a lot of books.

Favorite books read last year?
last year? i read a lot of books last year. “the history of love” by nicole krauss, “fargo rock city” by chuck klosterman, “extremely loud and incredibly close” by jonathan safran foer. um… wow. there are more.

Favorite books of all time?
i always forget books, but the ones that come to mind are “middlesex” by jeffrey eugenides, “sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs” by chuck klosterman, “everything is illuminated” by jonathan safran foer, “house of the spirits” by isabel allende, “love in the time of cholera” by gabriel garcia marquez, “stardust” by neil gaiman, “dry” by augusten burroughs, “naked” by david sedaris, and “invisible monsters” by chuck palahniuk. there are a LOT more.

Least favorite book you finished last year?
um, i love chuck klosterman. and should chuck klosterman ever decide to read my weblog, i hope he knows i love him. but i wasn’t overly impressed by “IV”. i’m sorry. i love you.

What are you reading right now?
i just finished “the commitment” by dan savage (so cute) and i’m in the middle of “eva luna” by isabel allende.

What are you reading next?
i don’t have any books on order. i just ordered a macromedia freehand book for work so i imagine i might be reading that. i’d also like to read “alternadad” by neal pollack, “sickened” by julie gregory, and “fragile things” by neil gaiman.

mmmm brain, eye, and mouth food.

Published
by
ashley
on March 4, 2007
in book covers, books, i am ridiculous, life, marques and television
. 0 Comments

here are some things that i’ve been consuming lately:

“those who save us” by jenna blum:  i read this while on my bus trip to new york to visit miss lorrie.  it’s pretty engrossing.  i like reading about the holocaust anyway, but this gave a little different view of it.  kind of gross in some parts.  designwise, the cover is lacking of anything interesting, although it does reflect the story fairly well.  overall grade: a solid B. 

“the science of sleep”:  i like michel gondry.  i love his music videos.  i loved eternal sunshine.  this movie, however, i did not love.  only liked.  it had a charming story, and i loved the special effects.  things looked very crafty.  but i think i was expecting another eternal sunshine, and when that didn’t happen, i wasn’t impressed.  grade:  another solid B.

“love is a mix tape” by rob sheffield:  this book, i loved.  since i was 14, i’ve had a tiny writercrush on rob sheffield from reading his rolling stone column.  reading this book broke my heart.  and it made me fleetingly mad at my boyfriend because i know that should i die at an untimely young age, my boyfriend will not be able to write about me as rob sheffield wrote about his wife.   if you like music and love and feeling sad, then you will like this book.  grade: A.

“deadwood” :  marques and i finally finished off the sopranos (did anyone else think the 1st part of the 6th season ended kind of.. lame?) and we’ve moved on to yet another violent HBO show.  we’re only 6 episodes in and already i think i’ve heard more cussing than pretty much at any other point in my life. so far, it’s been pretty entertaining.  i get a little confused sometimes — despite my grandfather’s constant western watching when i was a young child, i never retained any of that knowledge.  and thanks to wikipedia, i learned that the people?  in the show?  are based on real people.  so that ups the appeal of the show a bit.  as of 6 episodes, i’m going to grade it a B+, if only because calamity jane is really annoying.

“the commitment” by dan savage:  i’m reading this right now, so i can’t really give an accurate grade.  i just added it in here because last night, marques turned to me and said, “why are you reading a book called the commitment?  it doesn’t sound like something you’d read.” and i was confused because it sounds exactly like a book i would read — nonfiction, dry humor, slight memoir-feel.  then i realized that he thought it was like a self-help book, one of the books called “so you want to save your marriage” or something.  and i laughed and had to explain to him that this was a book about two gay men and the issue of gay marriage, and i wasn’t trying to cook up any tricks to get him to marry me.  no grade, because i’m not done with it yet.

the arcade fire “neon bible”:  marques and i got this when it was leaked so i’m pretty well-versed in the songs.  i don’t think it’s quite as good as “funeral” but it’s still enjoyable.  i’m still in love with “intervention” and also “black mirror” and “windowsill”.  marques and i originally toyed with the idea of going to see them in asheville, but the day wouldn’t quite work out for us.  still.  buy this cd on tuesday.  grade:  A-

cadbury mini eggs:  my favorite candy.  of all time.  ever.  the end.  this is why i love easter, these sweet little eggs with a crisp matte sugar shell and milky sweet chocolate.  i want to marry cadbury mini eggs.  last year, after easter, i bought 6 bags out of the 75 percent off bin.  and then i hid them so i wouldn’t eat them all in the two weeks after easter.  but now i can’t find them.  this includes us moving from apartment to apartment.  somewhere, there’s a target bag with 6 bags of unopened mini eggs, and when the day comes when i find this bag, well, the lord will be smiling down upon us all.  me especially because i found the mini eggs. grade:  A+++  (tripleplus A, in orwellian)