It’s a voyeuristic pleasure of mine to look at the Google search referrals on my stat manager. Generally, I don’t give much thought to who is reading my website, mainly because if I obsessed over it, I would never write again. I get embarrassed when people tell me they read my website, or when my website is featured somewhere. The first time I was featured in the Express Blog Log, there was this immediate sense of mortification that was followed by surreptitious glances to the people around me on the metro reading their copies. Although it’s insane, I could feel that they somehow knew I was That Girl. I was also thankful that the majority of my co-workers were out of the office that week due to the conventions.
That reaction pretty much destroyed any dreams of my ever becoming an actual author - if I was mortified about one sentence in a newspaper, I would probably die of embarrassment if I saw strangers on the metro reading an entire book that I wrote.
Sometimes I do think about the fact that literal strangers are reading about my life. But I tend to shrug it off because the majority of people who find my website do so accidentally, by Google searching for whatever. I always love reading what they were searching for, mainly because I never would’ve thought my website would have popped up. Here are some of my favorites from this month. Because of my website name, I do get quite a lot (and by quite a lot, I mean like 80,000) of porn searches, so I’m choosing to ignore those:
“winner winner chicken dinner”
Again. You have no idea the amount of hits I get from this phrase, which I used a post title a few months back. I just wrote it on there because I had heard it earlier in the day, which Marques said was probably while he was watching SportsCenter. Regardless, I don’t know the origin of this phrase, I don’t know where you can get a ringtone of it (and as a fellow human being, I implore you not to) and I don’t know how to make a chicken dinner.
“chipotle online ordering”
I said it once, I’ll say it again. Awesome, but has its flaws.
“does margaret cho have a girlfriend”
I don’t know. I wish it was me.
“how to please older women”
I also don’t know the answer to this question. My guess would be doing the dishes. I’m always pleased when Marques does the dishes.
“what foods do what for my body”
Bacon makes you happy. That’s pretty much all you need to know about it.
“i am going to quit my awful job and pick up cans for a living”
This is probably my favorite google search this month, I swear. This is a harbringer of the economic crisis. I hope that you did quit your awful job and are now picking up cans for a living - recycling is important.
“where did calling older women cougars come from?”
Oh man, I don’t know. Probably Ashton Kutcher. I hope this trend stops soon, however. A friend of mine yesterday explained to me the subtle nuances between cougars and pumas. Apparently, a cougar is any “doable” woman over 40, and a puma is any “doable” woman over 30. Sigh.
“make your own frosted cereal”
Look, I am all about making homemade things - my oven is turned on more than me. Unfortunately, with this one, I would suck it up and spend the $3.00 for a box of Frosted Flakes. Don’t make your kids go to school with homemade frosted cereal - they’ll get made fun of.
“how to make ashley shut up dot com”
Uh, awesome. I would almost consider creating this website in the vein of “Has the LHC killed us all yet?” and then just putting whatever I want at the moment on there. LIKE MY GREEN SCARF.
“stop making fun of barack obama”
I agree. His ears are cute and I love arugula.
My favorite this month was “russians cut apart and reassemble dog”. I can’t figure out how that got them to my site.
Oh, and thanks for showing us the LHC link. Now, whenever I am sad, I will go over and look. It will make me smile.
“winner winner chicken dinner”
Its a gambling phrase. Used to be in Vegas when you got Blackjack the dealer would repeat that phrase. Really fallen out of favor but recently brought back into the conciousness by the movie “21.”