prettyashley.com

Here are some lies about me that my boyfriend may be spreading around the universe:

1. I do not know where the dumpster is in our apartment complex.

That is not true. I do know where the dumpster is in our apartment complex. It is over there somewhere, far from our apartment. Today as were unloading the car, we saw a couple with a bag of trash walk toward the general vicinity of the dumpster and I remarked, “What a sweet girlfriend, walking with her boyfriend to the dumpster” to which I received a 5 minute rant about how I don’t even know where the dumpster is. Marques, enough with this lie. It is OVER THERE.

2. I sleep with too many pillows, a shameful, decadent amount.

This is also not true. I am simply a very particular person, and I have a difficult time sleeping on less than three pillows. I don’t think it’s a hindrance to have a PREFERENCE.

3. I watch too much Food Network.

Again, LIES. Every single time Marques gets near a remote control, the channel is immediately switched to ESPN or MASN. It is mind-numbing. When we’re watching a television show together and a commercial comes on, not three seconds pass before BLAM - SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight or the Orioles game. I do not switch the channel to Iron Chef every time I get a chance. Yes, I do watch my daily dose of Good Eats and I’ve been known on occasion to watch a few episodes of Unwrapped or some kind of baking challenge, but it is nowhere near his ESPN intake.

4. I watch “Independence Day” or “Armageddon” every time it comes on television.

….. This is… not… true. Not EVERY time.

5. I do not care about identity theft.

This is not true. I am very concerned about identity theft. However, I am not so concerned that I tear up direct mail advertisements into tiny little pieces because my address and name is on it. I am not so concerned that I will be asking for a paper shredder for Christmas. I am not so concerned that I tear up every piece of paper that has entered our house, including any kind of receipt, coupon, letter, bill, carry out menus, work papers, etc. I am not OBSESSED with identity theft. But I do care. A little.